


Moving On

by TheHangingTree



Category: Avenged Sevenfold
Genre: Band Slash, Harshish language, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2079495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheHangingTree/pseuds/TheHangingTree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>t's been almost 5 years since Jimmy passed. Johnny's dated guys but felt absoutly nothing for them, that is, until he discovers a crush he never knew he had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It's been almost five years since Jimmy died. It's been almost five years since Johnny felt his heart ripped from his chest. It's been almost five years since he began his severe depression. It's been almost five years since he began to wear only long sleeved shirts, for fear of someone seeing how sad he really was.

Matt smiled sympathetically at Johnny once he realized he was staring at Matt while he daydreamed about his previous life. The only life he ever felt he had. The one with Jimmy to hold his hand. The one that ended almost five years ago now. He felt a tear slowly slide down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away with the sleeve of his favorite shirt. Jimmy's old, long sleeved, black shirt that used to fit perfectly loose over his long, skinny form that now fits tightly over Johnny's.

"Hey, John. You okay, man?" Matt asked crossing the room of the hotel room they were sharing.  
"Yeah, man. Just... just thinking, you know?" Johnny answered quietly, slowly meeting his eyes.  
"Yeah. I miss him too, kid." Matt replied softly as he sat next to Johnny on the couch. He slung his arm around his shoulders and pulled him into a sideways hug. The warmth and firmness of Matt's chest against him made his heart race slightly.

They sat together like this for what felt like ten minutes before Matt's phone rang and he got up to answer it in the bathroom. Johnny heard arguing from Matt's end so he figured it was Val. They'd gotten a divorce last year, about a month after Johnny's last relationship. They always fought, about everything. Matt knew Johnny hated hearing them argue so he tried to leave the room when he could. All Johnny could make out was dollar amounts so he figured Val was bitching about child support again.

Johnny sighed and got up just to lay back down on his bed. He kicked off his shoes, crossed his legs in front of him, and folded his hands together on his chest. He closed his eyes and fell into, what he hoped to be, a Jimmy Sullivan filled, love dream.

Matt hung up the phone twenty minutes later pissed off. He opened the door to the bathroom and started to head out to the main room when he heard quiet, little cries coming from Johnny. He looked around the corner and saw Johnny asleep in his bed, tears running down his cheeks and a wide smile across his lips, murmuring soft words to who, he figured, must have been dream Jimmy. Matt smiled softly at his much smaller friend and turned to leave the room to get some food for the both of them.


	2. Chapter 2

Johnny awoke from his deep sleep to the sound of the door closing and the smell of hot Chinese food. The man holding the food made a face that made Johnny laugh out loud. He realized that there were dried tears on his face when he smiled and quickly tried to wipe them away while his friend had his back turned.

"Thought you might be hungry. Damn people at Chinese restaurants can't speak English," Matt laughed.  
Johnny chuckled at Matt while he dished out the food into separate bowls with forks. Clumsily dropping pieces of chicken on the floor and cussing under his breath.  
Matt looked up at his friend with glaring eyes and flipped up his middle finger at him, "Fuck you, John boy."  
Of course Johnny only laughed harder.

Matt handed Johnny his bowl of food and then sat on his own bed and turned on the hotel's television. He purchased all of the movie channels on the band's tab and then picked up his cell phone and texted Brian and Arin to get the rest of the guys in the room for a movie night. Brian and Zack shared a room so no need to text both of them. Neither Matt nor Johnny felt like going out and drinking tonight. Shortly after the texts were sent, a knock on the door and then Brian, Zacky, and Arin were in their room and trying to arrange themselves and the cases of beer they had brought into their room. Matt moved over to sit with Johnny on his right and Arin on his left. Brian and Zacky shared Matt's bed because they wanted to cuddle.

It was Johnny's turn to choose the flick for the night so he chose the classic action movie, The Punisher. Zacky groaned at the selection while Brian and Matt high-fived each other. Arin had never seen the movie so he smiled as he read what the movie was about online. Zacky passed out the cans of beer to all of them as the opening credits rolled in.

Everyone was so sucked into the movie except for Johnny. All he could think about was how much Jimmy loved this movie and how they would hold each other, much like Zack and Brian were, during this movie. He subconsciously huddled closer to Matt as he pulled the collar of Jimmy's shirt up closer to his face, closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply, imagining he could still smell him on the worn cloth.

Matt looked over to Johnny as he closed his eyes. He swore he saw another tear run down Johnny's cheek. He draped his arm around this small friend and pulled him in close to him and held him. Not quite like Jimmy used to but it was good enough for Johnny.

Close to the end of the movie, Johnny felt his eyelids getting heavy. He discreetly curled up against his insanely muscular friend, blushing as he inhaled his scent deeply and smiled. His heart fluttered as he felt Matt moving to accommodate Johnny and make him comfortable. He closed his eyes and felt one of Matt's large hands stroking through his hair and the other gently gliding up and down his arm.


	3. Chapter 3

Johnny woke up when the sun's light beamed in through the window and punched him right in the face. He was so comfortable he didn't want to move, until he realized he wasn't sleeping on a pillow. He looked up and saw that his head was resting comfortably on Matt's naked chest. His heart pounded and he felt his whole body blush. Matt's arms were wrapped tightly around Johnny's waist so he couldn't move. He decided to give in to what he wanted most and he just laid there, cuddling with his larger, extremely buff, best friend. It wasn't until Matt stirred that he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

Matt opened his eyes slowly, squinting in the bright sunlight. He looked down and smiled softly as he watched his young friend sleep on his chest. He slowly and carefully shifted so he could kiss Johnny's head.

Johnny's eyes snapped open and he looked up at Matt, "Um, what are you doing?"  
Matt blushed furiously as he tried to get out from under Johnny, "Um, I thought you were sleeping."  
Johnny just stared.  
"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that."  
"No, it's okay," Johnny whispered as he slowly crawled up Matt's body and placed a soft kiss to his lips. He pulled away just as quickly. Johnny's eyes grew wide with confusion and fright.  
"Are you okay, Johnny?" Matt asked concern blaring in his eyes.  
"Yeah. That just... it just felt... weird. Kissing someone other than Jimmy, I mean. C-Can we do it again?" Johnny's face turned the color of a tomato at this question.

Matt nodded slowly and ran one hand up his arm and cupped his cheek gently. He slowly brought Johnny's face to his and softly brushed his lips against the other man's. Then he pressed his thin lips to Johnny's plump duplicate in a sweet passionate kiss that made Johnny shiver on top of him.

When Johnny pulled away again he mumbled, "Still feels... strange," Matt got a hurt look and looked away, but Johnny held his chin gently, kissed him again, and pulled away just enough for their lips to brush when Johnny said, "but that doesn't mean I didn't like it."


	4. Chapter 4

Johnny woke up to his empty hotel room. He knew Matt, Brian, and Arin were out doing interviews with local radio stations, talking about the tour and their new album. Johnny kicked out of the covers and looked over to the other side of the bed where Matt had slept, holding him close all night. He remembered the kisses they shared a little over a week ago. He also remembered, when he kissed Matt, the face of his previous love came to his head. He felt so dirty, he felt as though he was cheating on his one true love. The only one for him, or so he thought.

Johnny went into the bathroom, with a new shirt and pair of pants, to take a shower before their show tonight. He slowly pulled his arms out of his sleeves and looked down at his arms. He traced the scars with his fingertips, still feeling the sharp, pleasurable pain that ran through his body when he made them. He started the hot water of the shower as he began to get out of his pants and underwear. He stepped under the hot stream of water and began to wash himself.

Once he finally rinsed the conditioner out of his hair for the second time, he turned the water off and grabbed the towel from the rack. He got out of the tub and dried his body off. He pulled his new underwear and pants on. He looked down at his arms once again. He looked around the room and hesitantly picked up his straight razor. He looked down at it and swallowed hard. Johnny remembered the smile Matt had on his face just last night, his dimples deeper than the grand canyon and his eyes full of love and care for the younger man. Johnny smiled and put the razor back where he had picked it up from and pulled his new shirt over his head, the long sleeves sticking to his damp skin.

Johnny walked out of the bathroom just as Matt walked through the door. Matt gave Johnny a concerning look as he sat on the couch at the far side of the room. Johnny sat next to him looking puzzled.

"We need to talk," Matt stated finally.  
"Alright? Is everything okay?" Johnny hesitated in asking.  
"I'm fine. Are you okay? You seem really hesitant to be close to me after we kissed."  
"Yeah. I'm alright," Johnny sighed.  
"Then why won't you let me hold your hand? The only physical contact we've made in the past week is when we're sleeping and you let me hold you," Matt stared at Johnny looking hurt.  
"That's because... That's because... When we kissed... All I could think of was Jimmy. The reason it felt strange to me is because I felt like I was cheating on him."  
Matt slipped his mitt-like hand between Johnny's and interlocked their fingers. Johnny flinched.  
"Jimmy was one of my best friends on the planet. We've been friends for as long as I can remember. I miss him too, Johnny. I think you forget that."  
"I just don't want to get too close and be left alone again. My last relationship... he cheated on me and I didn't feel a thing," Johnny was crying now. Matt pulled him into his chest and leaned back on the couch.  
"I know he did. He's a dick head and I would never do that to you. We are moving at your pace, but I'm just worried that you're never going to let go. I understand that he was your first love, but he's also gone. He's never going to come back and that's something we all have to deal with. I will never replace him, but I only want to fill the void he left when he passed," Matt kissed the top of Johnny's head.  
"I'm sorry if it feels like I don't care. I do. You make me the happiest I've been since... since Jimmy. I just don't want to get hurt again. Please just... be patient with me," Johnny sobbed quietly into Matt's chest, gripping tightly to his shirt.  
"Take all the time you need, Johnny. I'm right here, and I always will be right here," Matt kissed his head again and pulled him closer. Holding him tightly to his chest and stroking his arm up and down soothingly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Self Harm insinuated.

That night's show went very smoothly. Johnny stood in the center of the stage and played like always. Staring at Matt and grinning like the Joker, bobbing his head and telling Zack jokes between songs. He felt fine until they played So Far Away and Fiction. Like always he stood in the back by the drums and let tears flow down his face as Matt sang with every emotion in his body. When it was Jimmy's time to sing, the recording took over and Matt looked back at Johnny, smiling softly.

When the set was over they all walked backstage and Matt through his arm around Johnny and kissed his head again. "It'll all be okay, Johnny. I promise." Matt let go of Johnny when he saw Val. She motioned to him that she wanted to talk. He rolled his eyes, kissed Johnny's head again, and walked over to Val.

Johnny watched as Matt and Val went into another room. He figured they were going to argue some more. He looked around the dressing room and went over to his stall. He quickly changed shirts making sure his back was to the guys so they wouldn't see his arms. He slipped out of his stage boots and changed his pants before putting on his warn out converse. He started to get worried about Matt since he hadn't come into the dressing room yet. He decided to go look for him.

Johnny walked to the room where he saw Matt and Val enter. He heard them both arguing and then suddenly stop. Johnny slowly opened the door, hoping they had stopped arguing when he saw Val's arms wrapped around Matt's neck. They were kissing. Johnny gasped loudly, turned, and slammed the door. He ran out of the arena and hailed a taxi. On his way out of the building he heard Matt yelling his name, asking him to stop running. Johnny couldn't see, tears blocking his vision. He couldn't breath.

When the taxi got to the hotel Johnny ran to the elevators, pressed the button, and got in as soon as the doors opened. He slammed the button to the floor his room was on. As soon as the elevator got to his floor he sprinted to his room, dug out his room key, unlocked the door, and closed himself in the bathroom. He looked at his razor again, picked it up, and started taking it apart. He stared at the blade in his hand and then rolled up his sleeve.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! Self Harm!

Johnny slashed the razor's blade through his tattered skin. A small yelp escaped his lips. He stared up at the wall as he felt the cool warmth run and drip down his arm. His tears stopped. He felt cold. He looked down at his arm again and cut once more. This time he sighed with relief. He watched the blood pool on the floor.

Matt shoved the door to his hotel room open. All of the lights were off. He called for Johnny but heard nothing in return. He saw the bathroom light on through the crack in the door. He slowly pushed the door open and saw Johnny, sitting on the floor, back to the bathtub, knees to his chest, staring at his outstretched arm. He looked at his arm and saw the blood dripping from two long, thin, horizontal cuts on his arm. He fell to his knees and slowly crept across the bathroom floor to come face to face with Johnny. Johnny didn't move. Matt took some toilet paper and wadded it up and slowly put it to Johnny's open cuts.

Johnny let out a small cry as Matt slowly and gently tried to clean his wounds. Neither man said a word until the bleeding had stopped and the pool of blood had been cleaned up. Matt took the razor from Johnny's shaking hand and put it in the sink. He pulled Johnny close to him in a tight, warm hug.

"I am so sorry."  
"Why would you do that to me?" Johnny began to sob again. Huge tremors racking through his small body.  
"I didn't intend for her to kiss me. I am so sorry, Johnny," Matt repeated, tears falling from his eyes as he looked down at Johnny's slashed arm. Old and new wounds made him sick. How could he not have seen how sad Johnny was? How could he not have concluded when all Johnny would wear was long-sleeved shirts that he never took off in front of the guys.  
Johnny curled up closely into Matt's lap and cried more, "She kissed you? Did you kiss her back?"  
"No. I pushed her away just seconds before you slammed the door. God Johnny, I am so sorry. I can't believe she did that. She SAW me kiss you before too," Matt sounded angry but gentle as he spoke to Johnny.  
"It's okay. As long as you didn't kiss her back," Johnny sniffled, "I'm not sure if I will act the same way around you. I think you've lost some of my trust."  
"Please, Johnny. Take all the time you need. I will do whatever it takes to win your trust back. Anything." Matt kissed Johnny's head again and they sat there in silence.

Johnny looked at his scabbing wounds and traced over them with his finger, flinching slightly. Matt looked down at the younger man and took his wrist in his hand, lead it up to his face, and kissed his scars. New and old he kissed each and every cut. He then took Johnny's other wrist, rolled up the sleeve, and kissed all of the scars on that arm as well.

"I kissed the scars on her skin. I still think you're beautiful, and I don't ever want to lose my best friend," Matt whisper sang. He looked into Johnny's sorrow filled eyes and smiled.  
Johnny laughed, "You're such a dumb ass, you know that, right?"  
"Anything to make you smile, Johnny. And I mean, anything." Matt winked and then laughed.

They sat on the floor of the bathroom for what felt like hours. Johnny had fallen asleep in Matt's arms, so Matt picked him up and carried him out to the bed they were sharing. He slowly removed his shirt, being careful not to disturb his arm, and gently laid him down one the bed. Matt took his own shirt off, kicked off his shoes, and climbed into bed before removing Johnny's shoes and tossing them over the side. He laid down next to Johnny and pulled him over so he could hold him properly.

"Good night, Johnny. My, Johnny."


	7. Chapter 7

Matt woke up to a text from Johnny.  
'Can you pick me up?'  
'Sure, baby. Where?'  
'Berry bar.'  
'Alright, I'll be there soon, honey.'

Not only was Matt questioning why Johnny was out so late and how he had gotten to the bar, but he was also wondering why Johnny was texting and not calling. Johnny hated to text. He preferred calling, it was more personal to him. He started to worry about why Johnny had texted. Was he crying? Did someone hurt him? Was he drunk? What happened to his Johnny that would make him need to text.

Matt pulled up out front of the nearly deserted bar, parked, and got out of the car. He was walking in when he heard two familiar voices screaming.

"Get the fuck away from my husband, you man-steeler!"  
"He hasn't been your husband in over a year! Get over it!"  
"Fuck you! He doesn't love you! He never will! He will always love me FAR more than you or anyone else for that matter! I bore his son after all!"

Matt walked into the bar to see Val and Johnny screaming at each other. Johnny was balling but standing tall. Val had a very cocky expression on her face after her last comment. They both had people holding them apart from each other.

"Woah. What the hell is going on here?" Matt shouted over the screaming.  
"Oh, Matty! Thank God you're here! That little twat was trying to tell me that you and him were an item and that I couldn't have you back!" Val said batting her eyelashes at Matt.  
"First of all, don't you EVER, and I mean EVER, disrespect my Johnny like that EVER again. Do you hear me? And secondly, I am his boyfriend, if he will still have me, of course. And thirdly, I do love him. With every fiber of my being. FAR more than I have or ever will love you, Val." Matt sneered at his ex wife.  
Johnny blushed furiously at Matt's list, "Of course I will still have you, Matt."  
Matt's smile could not have gotten any bigger. He walked over to Johnny and bent down to plant a firm, loving kiss to his lips. Johnny did not flinch nor did he hesitate to kiss him back. Matt gently wiped his thumbs under his love's eyes to dry his tears. "Shall we go, baby?"  
Johnny's red face deepened in color as he said, "Baby?"  
"Yeah. I figured we had hit that point in our relationship that I could call you pet names. Is that okay, baby?"  
"Of course it is, my dear." Johnny smiled.  
Matt beamed as he tenderly grabbed his baby's hand and they started to walk towards the door to the bar. Val was cussing them out and crying, but they didn't care. Matt opened the passenger side door for Johnny and then walked around to the driver's side.

They got back to their hotel room where they each got ready for bed. Johnny took his shirt off to sleep and Matt stared. Johnny turned and saw Matt staring and he blushed and tried to cover up.

"Please don't. You're beautiful."

Johnny smiled and dropped his shirt. They climbed into bed together. Johnny rested his head and one hand on Matt's chest as Matt wrapped his arms tightly around Johnny.

They were both about to fall asleep when Johnny interrupted by asking, "Did you mean what you said? Before?"  
"What?"  
"When you said that you loved me with every fiber of your being?"  
"Of course I did, baby. Why?"  
"Because... I just realized tonight... that..."  
"What is it baby?"  
"I-I love you too."  
Matt just smiled and kissed Johnny's head. This was going to be the best night of sleep they've ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, there's only 7 chapters. Let me know if you liked it and I will consider writing another chapter or two. Constructive criticism is welcomed!


End file.
